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07 11 annie

The Rapid City Journal - 7/11/2018

Dear Readers: I received a lot of mail in response to "Over It," who was tired of his girlfriend's brother tagging along. Here are a few letters that stuck out.

Dear Annie: People with Asperger's syndrome often have difficulty with social cues and social interactions. I know because my 23-year-old son has Asperger's. He is currently in graduate school and is doing well, but he has great difficulty in social situations. He does not know how to initiate conversations, especially with strangers. He cannot read body language and has difficulty recognizing humor. These are just a few aspects of the manifestation of this disorder in him. Others have different symptoms, which vary in degree. The point is, given an Asperger's diagnosis, the brother may not recognize that he is a third wheel and may not have the tools in his toolbox to understand when "Over It" would prefer to be without his company. Learning more about the disorder and its manifestations could help "Over It" gain compassion and understanding for this man, who could someday be a brother-in-law. - Proud Mom

Dear Proud Mom: I definitely agree that the onus is on "Over It" to become more informed and more tolerant. Here's a letter from another woman who has a son with Asperger's.

Dear Annie: I appreciate your advice to "Over It," whose girlfriend has a brother on the autism spectrum. I would take it a step further. As someone who has worked in this field for 40 years, I would like to remind your readers that we are all lifelong learners. If the brother has not learned appropriate social skills in school, it's not too late. There are both services and funding in most communities that should help the brother to continue to develop meaningful social skills, participate in some structured social experiences and, if needed, find and train for employment. There are online social groups and even dating sites specific to individuals on the spectrum. Not knowing the community they live in, I would start with Autism Society of America and their local social services organization. People with autism spectrum disorder can live very productive and socially satisfying lives. It's not fair to him or his sister to assume that being a third wheel is the best he can do. - Voice of Experience

Dear Voice of Experience: Thank you for your insight. Readers can get in touch with the Autism Society of America at


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